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I have debated writing this post for a month now, but I would have never come to the realizations I have, or arrived at this point if an astute friend had kept silent, so I will write away and deal with repercussions later, though I have faith in my fellow man (woman) and I believe nothing much will change. 

January 1st 2011 we started potty training Darcy.  She picked up on the peeing part very well.  The poop was a nightmare.  She refused to poop on the toilet and instead held it in so she was totally constipated and runny "stuff" that could get around the big log (excuse my language here but there is a point) ended up in her pants CONSTANTLY.  I was wiping her butt at least 5 times a day.  This went on for 645 days to be exact.  That means I was up to my elbows in poop about 3200 times in the past 2 years, and that doesn't include Bree and her messes.  There were times when I was pounding walls and screaming for Darcy to poop, I had visions of running away, we gave rewards, took things away, yelled, coddled, enemas, laxatives, pull-up, underpants, diapers, you name it.  Paul even promised me a convertible if she wasn't trained by the end of this year.  The guys at work told him he was crazy but he told them I would much rather have her potty trained then have a convertible.  He was right.  I had hit my limit so many times its a wonder I (and Darcy) survived to tell the tale.  So the point of the story is that we knew a long time ago that Darcy had some issues.  I thought it was mostly potty training.  Oh, and then of course how she would absolutely freak out every time I left the room or an adult looked at her or something wasn't just right and it set her off.  I was full of anxiety over her anxiety and it was a difficult stretch we went through.

In July, during swimming lessons, I was talking to a friend about Darcy's obvious anxiety and she gave me a book, "The Highly Sensitive Child," and my world changed from that day on.  It was the biggest eye-opener!  Not only did Darcy exhibit almost every single trait of a highly sensitive person, but so did I!  After the first few pages I was crying in relief that I was not the quirky, abnormal social outcast I had always thought I was.  Well, I still am, its just that there are many others out there just like me.  If you happen to read on my 100 things about me list, take a look at numbers 29, 30, 33, 34, 46, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56 etc. and everything in between!  Not only did I realize I am highly sensitive, I am also a raging introvert.  Lucky me!  In a nutshell, that means I like to be alone.  I like to live inside my head.  I have one or two good friends that I like to have meaningful conversations with, I can't stand meaningless chit-chat.  I would much rather be home curled up in my bed reading a book than at a dinner party.  I work better alone than in groups.  I have always known this, I just didn't realize that there are so many others out there like this too, and that its OK to be me!  I don't have to apologize for cringing when I hear the words Fabulous Friday or Girls' Night Out. Its just not my thing.  And I bet there are MANY out there who feel the same way but go through the motions anyway.  I find "going through the motions" exhausting.  I get anxious before hand about preparing myself for an event and then I am so stressed trying to be polite and sociable that by the end I am just done.  Now this is not to say that every single time you see me out I am in the throes of agony, it just means that my cozy bed is shining like a beacon in front of me, as my end reward for getting through whatever it is I am attempting.  Now, I know this can sound like an excuse, or even a crutch to use as a reason to avoid social situations, and I can see that but I also say, "so what?"  So what if I don't want to sit in a room full of people making crafts?  Does that make me less of a person?  So what if I choose to attend sporting events where even though I am with a million people, I am essentially anonymous and don't have to carry on a conversation with anyone?  So what if I prefer to live in my books and find insight and companionship in their conversations and not my own?  I am a fully functioning human being, though I function a bit different than others.  I took the Meyers-Briggs personality test and came away ISTJ, which is only 10% of the population.  So yah, I am not in a large company of people but hey, that's how I like it!  George Washington was also in introvert just like me.  My joke when I went to Utah a month ago was that when I went to lunch by myself it was the best company I had had in a long time!  I have no problem seeing movies or eating in restaurants alone.  I actually prefer it.  So its a wonder I got married to tell you the truth.  Paul has been the best.  Somehow, even before my big labeling epiphany this last month or so, he knew these things about me and actually chose to spend eternity dealing with me!  How's that for self punishment ;)  There are plenty of times when he hasn't totally understood just how awful it would be if I was forced to join a certain event, but there are even more times when he has worked with me and we have found acceptable compromises which work for our family.  I have no doubt most people, family included, don't always understand, but we have learned at this point to do what is best for us.  That doesn't mean I never stretch myself and participate in uncomfortable situations, I do . . . all the time.  It just means that we don't do them as often as some would like I guess.  So anyway, that's me.  A highly sensitive introvert and proud of it.  Its up to me to take this information and try to adjust myself in order to function in society, but I am also not at all looking to "cure" myself of the personality I have been blessed with.  If I am judged in ignorance because of it, then so be it.

So labels.  I hate to label my kids but since I have had my eyes opened to who I am, I have also been keenly observing my children.  We had Darcy seeing a child psychologist over the summer.  My initial reason was to get help with the potty training but once I read the book, I included her anxiety and sensitivity issues too.  We were led to the most wonderful psychologist through a chain of events and I know we were sent there by Heavenly Father.  She had red hair just like Darcy!  She specializes in highly sensitive kids because she, too, is highly sensitive.  She was awesome.  Any one who knows my Darcy knows she has issues.  But if you have seen her lately you would hardly recognize her as the same kid.  Somehow her doctor was able to help her through her anxiety and get a hold on it.  I'm not saying its no longer there, just that she has tools now to deal with it and bring herself back from the edge and not end up in a puddle on the floor anymore.  She is functioning very well at preschool, when in March when I signed her up I was sure there was no way she would be able to cope.  Our family is supportive of her sensitivity issues, unlike mine growing up where they would tell me I must have asbergers syndrome and chase me around the room with a wooden spoon.  I am determined that Darcy have a fully supportive and loving home base because I know what it was like not to, and I know what it is like out in the real world where extroverts rule and expect everyone to be one to be a success.  I know I can't protect her from everything challening in her life, nor do I want to, but I do want to give her the skills and self confidence to deal with it in a healthy way.  It took me 39 years to figure it out.  If she can figure it out at 4 then she is worlds ahead of me.  When I got home from my recent trip to Utah Darcy was "cured."  Since that trip, and I have no idea what the magic switch was, Darcy has kept her pants clean and now poops on the toilet.  Its still a struggle but I can't express how proud and in awe I am of this little girl.  She has made amazing strides and has completely turned her life around and gained so much control.  She is such an example to me and a HUGE blessing in my life.  Oh, and if I must label her she is a highly sensitive introvert just like me.  Sorry Darce, but I know you will move mountains in your life!

Drew is also an introvert.  Her teacher asked me if she has friends because at recess she prefers to play hop-scotch alone or walks around the perimeter of play without joining in.  She has friends, she just prefers to be alone.  She likes to read, she is creative, she is an amazing friend to those she is close with, and she is a lot like me.  She came home from school last year distraught because she was nice to a girl and played with her at recess one day and the next day the girl wanted to play with her again.  Drew didn't know how to tell her she didn't want to play everyday with her.  Its something she will face her entire life, and get judged for, but hopefully I can help her through it and help her to have enough self-confidence to not let that stuff bother her.  Lucky for her she has a mom who has been there.  Now its up to me to remember and help her the best way I can.

Mason I believe is kind of both highly sensitive and also more of an extrovert.  He seems comfortable in groups of people and I think he functions just fine.  Almost too well coming from an introverted mom who likes quiet.  (Darcy's psychologist was astounded that I had 4 kids.  Uh yah, me too)  He is also sensitive.   Not quite to the degree Darcy is but now that I know what to look for, he exhibits many of the same traits.  He is a very cautious guy when it comes to new situations and he takes his time to evaluate before he acts.  But when he decides to act, watch out.  I can help him with the sensitive part but I don't know what the heck to do with the extroverted part :)

Bree is only 2 so its a bit difficult to tell at this point, but I'm betting that she is not highly sensitive.  As for the intro/extrovert part, I'm not sure there either.  I am inclined to lean on the extrovert side but we shall see.

Now my point isn't to find labels and use them as excuses for my children.  I guess my point is to "figure out" just who my kids are so I can be the best parent I can to my kids.  If I can give them some self realizations while they are young, I can hopefully help them to be well adjusted and functioning adults.  Isn't that what we all want for our kids?