What now?!

Cool picture huh!  That is really my brain after my MRI on April 5th.  About a week before that, I started to feel numbness in my left arm and leg.  In the past that had been a symptom of my thyroid being out of whack or my B12 being low.  So I went to my doctor thinking it was my B12 because maybe my shots at home weren't quite as effective as the shots by the nurse?  He did a complete blood screen and everything looked normal.  So why was I numb?  He said it could be a symptom of multiple sclerosis(!) but he would rule that out and just call it carpal tunnel on my arm but he wasn't sure how the leg numbness fit in.  Gee thanks!  Not only did you give me a ridiculous diagnosis, you also scared the heck out of me by mentioning MS.  I have a wonderful, spirited, hilarious first cousin once removed who has been battling the disease for years and is now confined to a wheel chair.  To see that in your future is hard to take.  He said the next step would be an MRI if I started feeling worse.  Well, a few days later I felt a lot worse.  Both of my arms were now numb and felt pretty much dead.  It was a conscious act of will to lift them off my lap.  My left leg was numb except for the foot which tingled day and night.  Something was wrong.  Saturday evening Paul took me to the hospital because I figured I needed an MRI and I couldn't wait days to have one scheduled.  I knew the ER would do one right then so off we went, after a most wonderful family (the Edwards) ALL came over to watch the kids.  They had quite the time I heard later, and didn't mind so much mom and dad were gone.  Thanks Edwards!  Anyway, they got me into a room at the ER and the doctor there said it was rare but I had the symptoms of MS.  So of course I had decided I had MS and I was trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life with this new reality.  They stuck me in the MRI tube, which really is an awful experience.  If you aren't claustrophobic before hand, I guarantee you will be once you are in there.  I had to keep my eyes closed and spend 5 million dollars to keep myself sane.  Ugh.  Then the MRI guy wanted to shoot me with some stuff to make my brain appear colored or something so it showed things better but they never put an IV line in back in the ER.  So he whips out the equipment and proceeds to poke me in each of my inner arms but he can't get the darn thing in.  Then he calls a nurse who takes her own sweet time to get there and she proceeds to poke me on the top of my right forearm(!) and can't get the thing in either.  Good thing the guy pulled me out of the MRI at this point and I was still laying down or they would have had a problem on their hands.  Finally my ER nurse shows up about the same time as the head nurse who can stick anyone successfully I heard, and they are both pushing around on my arms looking for veins.  At that point I was laughing at just how absurd it all was.  I was also extremely relieved because the MRI guy asked why I was there and I told him I thought it was to rule out MS or a tumor and he said even though he wasn't fully trained to read them he didn't see any signs of anything being wrong at that point.  The relief was amazing.  I guess I didn't realize just how much the possibility of a debilitating life-long disease was weighing me down.  They finally got the IV line in between my fingers on my left hand!  OWWWWW!  I will never allow that again I tell you.  Freaks me out to think about it still.  So back in the MRI I went and spent another 5 million in my dreams and finally was able to head back to the ER where the doc said she didn't see anything wrong, I was really very healthy, and to follow up with a neurologist.  OK.  On Monday I was able to see a neurologist who did all kinds of little nerve and sensation tests and he proclaimed me really quite healthy.  Seriously people?  In truth, I have two conditions that left untreated are life threatening.  I don't really call that quite healthy.   So in the end I was never given a diagnosis from a high paid medical doctor.  What I am self-diagnosing is that this was a flare-up from all my autoimmune diseases.  Kind of like how I get hives every once in a while, this is probably just my body's way of reminding me that I really am not quite healthy and I'm getting old and should expect a recurrence whenever my body decides to go wacky again. Thankfully at this point the numbness has pretty much gone, but for a week my forearms and hands had horrible pain.  I couldn't use my hands to grip things or I would have shooting pain that felt like what I imagined getting struck by lightning would feel like.  Today I am feeling pretty good but even typing this is making my forearms and wrists annoyed.  Hopefully in a few more days all symptoms will be gone and I will once again be "quite healthy."  I have to say though, I am so thankful that I live when my problems can be treated and managed.  How many people in the past died from "natural causes" that could have been what I have?  Now there is a name for every illness, people rarely die of "natural causes".  All our suffering is defined.  Does it make it any better with a name?  I don't know.  But I do know that before modern medicine came around people used to suffer.  I wouldn't want to deal with the symptoms of my conditions every day of what would have been a much shortened life.  For bodies to be such a miraculous working machine, they sure break down an awful lot.  There are few I know that don't have some sort of chronic condition.  Such is life I guess.